


You Gave Me Love But All I Want's The Truth

by slauthor



Category: Let's Play Cyberpunk Red - Polygon (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Multi, also some lighter moments because i can't help myself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25945645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slauthor/pseuds/slauthor
Summary: A chance encounter with someone from Vang0 Bang0's past leads to a dreadful evening.
Relationships: Background Vang0 Bang0/Burger Chainz, Vang0 Bang0/Original Character
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	1. Here to Remind You

"Vincent! _Vincent_!" somebody shouted with increasing urgency. Vang0 Bang0 knew it was none of his business, but they couldn't help but be curious when they thought they were the only one in this convenience store. He scanned his surroundings until he met eyes with an absolutely furious young woman standing inches away from him.

"Hey, can I... help you?" He asked.

"Is that all you have to say for yourself?!" she demanded.

Vang0 pointed to themself. "Wait, do you think _I'm_ Vincent??"

"Ohhh you think you're good," she said, throwing her head back in exasperation. "It doesn't matter how much you fuck up your hair or how long you grow out your mustache. I'd know that face _anywhere,"_ she said, pointing at him.

Adrenaline shot through Vang0's body. He could barely form words. "H... How do you know me?" he asked.

She shook her head, now more shocked than angry. " _What?_ "

He instinctively grabbed her shoulders. "Please! How do you know me?"

"Vincent, you're scaring me," said the woman. She glanced at his left hand, then back to his face. "Hold your hand out for me," she said.

He took his hands off her and obliged without question. And far as he knows, Vang0 has always had plenty of rings, but one of one the ones he's had as long as he could remember was a simple golden band with an inscription that eluded him. The young woman intertwined her fingers with his, and he saw that she had a gold ring with an inverted inscription such that they made a symmetrical pattern when they were joined this way. He looked back into her eyes, which were pleading with him to say something. He was married? To a woman? Vang0 couldn't remember a time in his life when he wanted to leave the room more, and so he couldn't stop his body from pushing past her and bolting out the automatic door.

"Vincent! WAIT! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME AGAIN!" she cried out, but he was already gone. At least he couldn't see her crumple to the floor.


	2. Can You See Me At All

When Dasha came into Vang0’s room, she found him too preoccupied with rapidly solving and unsolving a Rubix Cube to notice her.

“Hey,” she said, knocking on the wall to get his attention, “you ok over there?”

They turned around. “God, is it that obvious I’m not?” they asked.

“I’ll spare you the answer to that,” she said, eliciting a groan from Vang0. She took a deep breath, steeling herself for what she had to say. “I got a call from a woman named Ember asking me to find a 5’6” man with a platinum blond bob and a thick brown mustache. She says that’s her husband.”

“Oh god, is she here?” he asked

“No! You think I’d just spring her on you like that?” asked Dasha.

“I mean… for a job? Maybe?” Vang0 shrugged awkwardly.

Dasha thought about that one. “That’s fair,” she said. “But I didn’t, because I care about you. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now.”

“Not great, Dasha! Not great!” they said.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” she asked.

“Not really,” he said.

Dasha rubbed her arms. “I do have to resolve this request somehow. I’m not saying that has to be by bringing her to you, but maybe if we talk about it we can figure out how to move forward here?”

Vang0 drummed their fingers against their knuckles, gathering their thoughts. “Dasha, I’ve never wondered this before today but, what if finding out about my past just makes me more confused about who I am? It’s always been really obvious to me that I’m gay, but apparently I had this whole other life where not only did I not know that, I was so convinced that I like women that I married one! That’s terrifying! And then I _abandoned_ her!”

“Sounds like you feel guilty about that,” said Dasha.

“Well yeah! I feel abandoned every time I think about how I haven’t heard from anybody I used to know, and now I’ve met one of those people it turns out I’ve been making her feel that way all this time and I couldn’t do anything about it?” he said.

“Don’t you think it would help if she got to talk to you?” asked Dasha.

Vang0 sighed. “Yeah. It probably would.”

“And if learning about yourself does make you more confused, I’ll be here for you. I don’t know exactly what I could do for you, but I’d listen,” she said.

Vang0 rubbed their temples in contemplation. “Okay.”

“Great. I’m sending her your coordinates,” said Dasha, texting on her agent.

Just then, Burger Chainz popped in to check on Vang0, who hadn’t been answering his texts. “Hey Vang0, just thought I’d— Oh, is this a bad time?”

“Yes, actually—” said Dasha.

“No, it’s fine. Come here, I need to tell you something,” said Vang0, leading Burger by the arm to a corner of his warehouse of a room where Dasha could easily tune them out. “So, uh… it turns out… I ran into a girl I don’t know earlier today who’s actually my wife,” he said.

A symphony of distress played across Burger’s face landing on gutted resignation. “Ok. That’s good to know,” he said.

“But I don’t want to be married to her! I only like—” Vang0 clammed up before he could finish that thought. “...Men. I only like men.”

“Oh,” said Burger, heaving a sigh of relief. “I mean, that’s awful for you! Wow! You must be so confused!”

“I am! And she’s gonna be here any minute now!” said Vang0.

“Ah! Well, I’d best be on my way, then. You know I’m not great for these complicated conversations, and I don’t want to get in your way,” said Burger.

“Wait,” said Vang0, grabbing Burger’s hand to stop him from walking off. “I’ll… feel more comfortable if you’re here. You wouldn’t have to say anything.”

“Well then I’ll stay,” Burger said warmly.

It didn’t take long for Ember to arrive.

“Hey, can I get you—” Vang0 started.

“Stop. Whatever you were about to say, I don’t want to hear it. You clearly haven’t spared a thought for me in the last year, but I’ve been able to do nothing _but_ think about what I want to say to you and if I keep these words in my chest any longer I’m going to suffocate. So I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen, ok?” said Ember. Vang0 nodded vigorously. “Everybody thought you died, but I didn’t buy it. My Vincent, who planned out his days so rigorously we couldn’t keep enough notebooks in the house suddenly getting in some accident so chance he didn’t leave a trace? Not likely. But, my Vincent, who felt like he had to leave the room every time he got overwhelmed one day taking that impulse to the extreme? Yeah, I could see that.” Ember stopped to take in his face, but she couldn’t find the light of recognition in his eyes. Just that horrible emulsion of confusion, fear, and sympathy. She glanced up, trying to remember where she was in her speech. “But despite my urging, eventually the investigators stopped looking for you, so I had to take matters into my own hands. I quit my job and moved to Night City to infiltrate the underground media scene and gather as much information as I could just to find you. Me, leaving the code monkey life just like we always said I would!” she said, gesturing grandly. Still no change in his expression. She cleared her throat. She had to get this off her chest, even if it meant finishing what she had to say without looking at him. “So… that’s been my life ever since you did your little disappearing act. You thought you could get away with never having to answer for your actions, but I found you and I’m not going to leave until I get an answer.” She looked back at him. “Why?”

“I really wish I knew,” said Vang0.

“You really don’t remember a goddamn thing about me, do you?” she asked.

“Or anybody else,” they offered.

Ember dropped herself into one of Vang0’s several bean bag chairs, kneading her forehead with her thumb and forefinger.

Vang0 knelt beside her and said, “I’m really sorry I did that. Nobody deserves that.” Ember huffed. “I don’t know if you’ll want to hear this, but… It means a lot to me that you came looking for me. At this point, I had just accepted that nobody cared.”

“Well that’s… nice… but it sure seems like the old you didn’t want to be found,” said Ember. “All that work and I only run into you in the Little Debbie’s aisle in a 7/11? Granted, it didn’t help that I was looking for a clean-shaven brunette named Vincent and not a bleach-blond Freddie Mercury named… Actually, while we’re at it, what the fuck kind of name is Vang0 Bang0? Where did you even get that?”

Dasha said, “Vincent… Vang— Hey, didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s pronounced Van _Goff_ ?”

Ember raised a hand. “I did.”

Vang0 threw his hands up in the air. “Well apparently I forgot.”

Burger, who had to this point been busying himself organizing Vang0’s collection of fidget toys to keep himself from yelling at this stranger for talking to Vang0 that way, piped up with an “Actually, the original pronunciation is vun KHOKH but that’s pretty hard for most of us Americans to say so if you’re gonna simplify it ‘van go’ is closer.” Now everybody’s eyes were on him.

“Oh,” said Dasha. “I… didn’t know that.”

Burger shrugged. “The shepherd family on my commune was Dutch,” he offered as an explanation.

“Hmm,” Dasha nodded. She did her best to bite back a laugh, but that didn’t hold since seeing her do that made everyone else break into desperately needed laughter. They collectively sighed, and it was the first time Vang0 was able to breathe all evening.

Ember tried to get up and found herself pawing through an endless sea of bean bag, so she gave up and laid down. “Why do you have these? Is this what your idea of comfort is now?” she asked.

“No, but they’re great for my backdrop,” said Vang0. “I gotta let my followers know I’ve got gamer cred,” he said, reflexively flashing the VB sign.

“ _You're_ a streamer?!” she said, sitting straight up.

“Yeah. You got a problem with that?” he asked.

Ember shook her head. “What a question. No! I’m just shocked because the last time I saw you, your performance anxiety was so bad I was the only person who knew you so much as owned a guitar, so it’s just a little hard to picture you willingly putting yourself in front of a camera.”

Dasha said, “It’s hard for _me_ to imagine Vang0 Bang0 with stage fright.”

“Well…” they said, “Of course streaming makes me nervous. But if I let that stop me then I’d never get to make content.” Ember gave him an inscrutable look so intense he wanted to jump right out of his skin. How was it even possible for a person to look grieved and proud at the same time? He wanted badly to run away, but instead, they gathered all of their courage and said, “I think I need to talk to Ember… alone.”

“Are you sure?” asked Burger, approaching.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” said Vang0, touching Burger’s arm. “Thank you for being here.” The two of them held each other’s gaze as Burger and Dasha left the room.

When Vang0 turned to face Ember, he found her examining a painted guitar he’d had as long as he could remember. He decided not to ask about it.

“I saw the way you were looking at that guy with the metal jaw,” she said. “I’d never seen you look that way before.”

“I’m sorry,” said Vang0.

Ember let out a hollow chuckle. “You know what I do recognize?” she asked, pointing to them. “That face. It was never so out in the open, but for a while before you left I remember seeing it hiding behind every smile you gave me. You always looked so sorry. I know why now.”

“I’m s—” Vang0 stopped themself, realizing that wouldn’t help. “I don’t get how you’ve calmed down already. You know you get to be mad, right? What I did was unforgivable!”

“Oh, I am mad, don’t get it twisted,” she said, running her fingers through her hair. “Just… not at you. The person I’m really angry at… doesn’t exist anymore.” A pause. “He never did.” Slowly, she sank to the floor, hugged a knee to her chest and wept.

Vang0 sat down next to her. He didn’t touch her, he didn’t look at her, and he didn’t go on his agent. He just sat with her.

Once she was all cried out, she said, “Vang0.”

“Yeah?”

“Your name is Vang0,” she said, matter of factly.

A warmth he couldn’t place glowed gently in his stomach. “I know.” Vang0 dug through one of their many deep pockets and pulled out two candy bars. “Want a Snickers?”

Ember hesitated. “Yes.”


End file.
